So a few days late, but oh well. As with everything, blame Gina. Apparently the topic of the blog-o-blag this time is what five songs I would consider the soundtrack to my life as of this point. I had a hard time with it, what with not having a huge musical basis to work with. But screw intros, I have a list to make.
1) The Fixer - Pearl Jam
When somethings dark, let me shed a little light on it//When somethings cold, let me put a little fire on it//If somethings old, I wanna put a bit of shine on it//When somethings gone, I wanna fight to get it back again
This song. This song right here. I heard it and just sorta realized how well it sums up how I look at...well, too many things. I don't know something, and once i realize it, I need to know. I see something wrong, and I do my best to right it. And the chorus, well, that just takes the part of me I'm just a bit conflicted on. On the one hand, I realize that I can try a bit too hard to get things back from where they are to where they were. I'm bad about that. On the other, it means that I don't just let things go. I make sure that it makes its way back. Its just plain stubbornness in the face of loss that means it doesn't get allowed to happen. If people question why I do what I do, why I take the stands that I do, this song is probably the best reference I can give. Not because it really tells them why, but because it says all they really need to know.
2)Long Day - Matchbox 20
And I'm so terrified of no one else than me//I'm here all the time//I won't go away
Me at my low times. I get bad when I start thinking. When I turn on myself. When I start seeing my flaws and my failings and start looking at what I've done and will do. And I realize that it's all just me, and I can't get away from myself. I have to keep figuring out ways around myself. And when I'm at that point, when I can't just be with myself, I turn to people. I just try and find that person that's going to get me to keep going this time. And I know I do that a lot. Sometimes it just keeps happening. I start to realize when I do it too much, but that doesn't stop it from happening. And when I'm stuck by myself, the day drags until I can get to whoever it is I need. The mind beats itself while waiting for the person that's going to tell it to hold itself back. Its been getting a bit better lately, not nearly as bad as it was, but still, I can't deny that it's still here.
3) Dig - Incubus
If I turn into another//Dig me up from under what is covering//The better part of me
Not unlike the last song. This one, however, is that rise I get when I'm coming out of that place of my own. It's the song that reminds me that for each down, for each long day, there's someone there that pulls me out of it and reminds me that I've got a lot more left to me than I thought. To the negativity of Long Day, Dig represents the hope. It's also a reminder that I'm not in this alone just as much as anyone else. It reminds me that as much as I rely on others, they rely on me too. If they rely on me, then I need to keep myself up to keep them up. And they do the same for me.
4) Can't Repeat - The Offspring
Memories are bittersweet//The good times we can't repeat//Those days are gone and we can never get them back
The amount of times that I just sit there and think about the past, what's gone and not to return, kinda amazes me. It always kinda creeps up, and then it hits me like a bag full of bricks and angry cats. I do wish I could just make things stop, take a step back into the past and just relive some of those times that may not have been very important, but still just felt...right, in some way. When things were simpler, if not just because I didn't understand things. But then again, the present is just that moment before the past, and there's no way to stop it from happening. To stop this moment means freezing everything, and I can't imagine any way that would be good. So this song really just takes that struggle, the fight between past and present, and makes it easier to follow. And really, even if tomorrow cries, could it not be tears of joy?
5) Paper Wings - Rise Against
Is this the life that you lead//Or the life that's led for you?//Will you take the road that's been laid out before you?
For as much as I enjoy their other songs, this is always going to be my favorite song by Rise Against. Partly, I admit, it's because it was the first song of theirs I heard, so it became the benchmark. But when I look at it as a song beyond just that, it just sorta clicks with part of me. That part of me that's trying to convince myself to get into gear and just start. Its my reminder to myself to not ignore opportunities. To tread new ground, try new things, be my own person. Because its not like anyone's going to wait for me if I stall. At best, they'll just tell me what to do and make my decisions for me because they're tired of waiting. That seems to be a trend with me, sitting and waiting for somebody else to do it for me, or tell me what to do, instead of trying it myself. And as much as I don't want to decide for myself, some part of me just tries to push myself. Another thing to chalk up on my wall of inner conflict. But this one I indulge sometimes, and usually it works out fairly well. So I just need to keep doing it, and see how it pans out.
