The core of the situation

It has been said by a number of people before that people often make up their minds before the idea that there is a choice even crosses their mind. That flipping a coin doesn't help make up your mind by telling you what to do, but rather by making you realize what you wish the outcome was. This seems to imply that trying to decide on a good course of action is a futile course of action: If we're already decided before the question comes up, what good is making the decision in the first place? But still, perhaps there are certain questions which we don't truly know the answer to before we ask. If that's the case, then is that the case for all decisions, or just certain situations? Obviously, sometimes there is truly a decision, and sometimes we know what we want and just drag the process out. The more important question is if this line of reasoning can be taken in the opposite direction: Are those beliefs we hold to truly things which are predetermined for us, or are they things we can potentially change given time?

Trying to answer that question leads, sadly, to a number of unfortunate implications. I wish I could say that we can change those things which are seemingly beyond our control given enough time, but not only have I not had the opportunity to see this or test this myself, but that would cover many beliefs which do, from my experience, seem to be truly beyond our control in one way or another. We are obviously not in control of every aspect of ourselves, as we cannot simply choose to change our personalities or habits on the drop of a dime. But I suppose that given proper time and dedication, it is quite possible to change such things. It seems there is no hard and fast rule, but it seems a lot less clear what does and doesn't fall on each side. The only real way to tell would be to try to change it, and see what happens. But doing that has to start with understanding the core of what you're trying to change: knowing why things are the way they are. Once you can get to the core of whatever situation you're trying to change, you can see what you can do differently to change things. If you can't change it, that may be the cue that it isn't something you can change...unless it is your reaction. There is always an element you can do differently, but even that may not be enough to make the change itself, especially when multiple people become involved. A problem to sleep on and figure out, I suppose.